Cricket Spitballs

A slightly messed up edited version of this appeared in Daily Times of March 6, 2015.

• Shahid Afridi is a star all-rounder whose bowling average is equal to Imran Khan’s batting average and batting average is equal to Imran’s bowling average. How we wish it would have been reversed.
• A solace for team Pakistan can be that last time India won a close encounter against Zimbabwe, thanks to Kapil Dev, they ended up winning the world cup. Think positive guys or better do not think at all.
• Nasir Jamshed’s average in first four matches of the world cup resembles Aamir Sohail’s average of last four matches of WC92. Bigger question is, if by stroke of luck Pakistan does well here, can Jamshed do commentary?
• Like this time, in 1992 too, Pakistan lost big to West Indies in a match where Rameez Raja was stuck in our television screens for most part of the match. There is hope. Like 1992, even this time, no one is getting what Wasim Akram is throwing at them.
• Like 1992, even this time Waqar Younis is sitting outside with people wondering if Waqar had his way. More importantly, like 92, this time too, Moeen Khan kept daring and getting caught. What has to happen will happen but this like 1992 talk keep the nerves calm.
• Normal that none of Pakistan’s batsmen can make it to the batting line up of Australia, India, South Africa, New Zealand or Sri Lanka. Real tabdeeli (change), however, is that none of Pakistani bowlers can make it to the bowling attacks of top 3 teams either. Now wait for Mr. Sethi to laugh it off.
• The way Afghans chased against Scotland gives credence to strategic depth doctrine and merits annexing Afghan batting line up.
• In the recent corp. commanders meeting, item on top of agenda was formation of an Apex Committee to run PCB affairs. Many observed, even Sindh is governed better and has promise.
• After criticism of Big 3 for bullying the other cricket playing nations; true to English empathy, England has decided to show solidarity with minnows by performing like them.
• It is normal that Misbah is singled out for criticism by all. The guy likes to do it alone. Why else would he be the only one scoring in a batting line up that falls like a house of cards. That is more selfish than Frank Underwood.
• We all will be relieved if during commentary Wasim Akram talks more of 2003 world cup and Indian commentators focus on 1992 world cup. Seriously guys, I thought I am the biggest show off.
• When Pakistan was fighting for survival against Zimbabwe, Asif Zardari was busy politicking with Maulana Fazal-ur-Rehman –Complains PTI.
• Situation of cricket is so bad in Pakistan that even Imran Khan has to lobby Veena Malik to pull crowds for PTI – again complains PTI.
• Imran Khan is angry that while fixing the Senate match against PML-N, Asif Zardari is doing spot fixing in KP.  Their phone call must have had many Sharjah references, one assumes. Oh wait, did Imran call Zardari? Not sure what would have been more awkward, that phone call or Afridi trying to bat defensive.
• A high level meeting of PML-N considered if Metro or an underpass can solve problems of Pakistan cricket.
• DRS makes me dread electronic voting.
• This big 3 is becoming such a nuisance that a high level Pakistani delegation will visit Beijing to convince Chinese to assume a bigger role in ICC.
• Nothing boils my blood more than talk of peace before an India-Pakistan match or talk of “in the end game of cricket won” afterwards. For heaven’s sake, it is a game let it be. You can talk peace at Lahore Literary Festival. Also, the game of cricket does not win after India Pakistan match, it wins after Indian Premier League. You have to see what cricketers and cricket both score there.
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• And I have my money on Pakistan making it to semis or beyond. I sign off, taking a deep breath, bracing for AB de Villiers onslaught, and hoping for those acts of individual brilliance that have always come to rescue of team Pakistan. Go team Pakistan!